I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
