Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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