we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
