I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You left your phone here
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