I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
