We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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