Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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