I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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