turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
