you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dignity is for republicans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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