I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
