after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
