it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sorry about my life...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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