You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do vagina's smell?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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