this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
