Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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