I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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