my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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