All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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