They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
