using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
