Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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