the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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