Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
