in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
