Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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