dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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