Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
