He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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