My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
