yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
