you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
