Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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