Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
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