The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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