wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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