i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
