Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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