My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my poor anus
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize