im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
