Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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