i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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