I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize