Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
