and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
