no, he came in my armpit
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
