whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
