I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
