The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
