Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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