I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
