I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
