She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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