we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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