Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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