dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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