you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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