i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
