dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You've changed since you got that strap on
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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