True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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