He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
