I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
