I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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