ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
