Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
