Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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