Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
