Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
