the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
