My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
