she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
