I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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