Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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