Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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