FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
