hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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