You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
