im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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