I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
